Rednecks everywhere, unite! As redneck-mania is sweeping across the country, it is becoming more and more acceptable and respectable to admit that one is a redneck.
By their very nature, rednecks eschew trendiness, political correctness, and calorie counting. They believe that “yards aren’t complete without a pink flamingo,” and they “wear caps advertising fertilizers or tractors.” Rednecks “are sure that only women should wear earrings” and “love to hunt their own food.” Speaking of food, they “have enjoyed Moon Pies and R.C. Cola” and “think it ain’t food if it ain’t fried.” Rednecks also have a more respectful, honest, genteel manner. For example, they “always say ma’am and sir,” “are loyal to a fault,” and “usually tip more than they should.”
Whether they come from “Bummingham,” Alabama, or “N’Awlins,” Louisiana, or any town south of the Mason-Dixon Line, they all regard their homes as being in “God’s Country.” However, while the concentration of these good old boys is highest in the South, their numbers are growing nationwide. Being a redneck is not just where one lives . . . it is a frame of mind, a way of life.
You can become a redneck if you aren’t one already. Just follow the rules in The Redneck Instruction Book. And soon you too will “know the real Bigfoot is a truck” and “think hors d’oeuvres are a can of Vienna sausages.”